The Taming of the Grouch
by Nyotarules
Summary: Canon seems to think James Kirk is the human sexpot of the Star Trek Enterprise but I would rather give that honour to Leonard H. McCoy
1. Chapter 1

Characters – L McCoy,Bones/OC, Kirk/Marcus, cameo Spock/Uhura

Romance/Friendship

Disclaimer – If I could claim Star Trek as my own I would

**PROLOGUE**

**Earth Time, New Year's Day, January 2270 – USS Enterprise, ship's morning, Alpha quadrant, Risan sector**

He awoke naked under crimson, coloured cotton sheets. Hold on a second, his sheets weren't this colour. Where was he?

He looked around and remembered he was in her quarters. He recognised the significance of the step they had taken. They had been dancing around each other for months. And last night… yep last night the sexual explosion had taken place.

Leonard 'Bones' McCoy grinned as he jumped out of bed and looked for the woman who had blown his mind… literally.

"Why didn't ya wake me sugah?" his Southern drawl was more pronounced first thing in the morning. "I'm more than ready for round four or is that five?"

He heard a chirping noise and looked around to follow the sound. It seemed to be coming from the floor near the end of the bed. It was his comm, probably fell there last night in his haste to discard his clothes and jump her bones.

He knelt down to pick it up and read the message -

"I will return with breakfast."

He smiled to himself, just like her to be precise and to the point for a communications officer. He checked the time it was 5am very early, but then she was an early riser and he being a doctor was used to all sorts of weird hours.

He wondered whether it was worth tidying the bed since he planned to get her back in it after breakfast. Today was a holiday for most humans but not on the Enterprise however he took the day off after swapping shifts with M'Benga.

He wanted to spend as much alone time with her as her new partner. They had socialised a lot as friends, even as kissing friends but not on this scale. This new step they had taken was huge.

Even Kirk would not believe it. The captain was shocked but glad when he told him that they were exclusively dating. He thumped him on the back and declared, "Good for you Bones, don't fuck this up."

In his eleven years as CMO, he had sexual partners, came close to thinking maybe he could have something long-term but nothing came of those encounters. He admit it took him awhile to get over his divorce and stop looking for his ex-wife to show up in other women like a poltergeist. But thankfully those days were long gone. For a while now when he spoke her name he felt nothing at all and his blood pressure did not rise.

He heard the door to her quarters open. The love of his life entered with a tray filled with fruit, muffins, eggs, muesli and coffee. She was determined to make sure he had a good diet. Well he did need to keep his strength up.

"Leonard, I believed it best to procure breakfast early, since you did desire to spend the day on the planet." She halted as she entered the bedroom; the sheets on the bed were still tangled.

"You have not showered, you are not dressed," she noticed.

"I changed my mind darlin, was kinda hoping you would join me." Bones approached, took the tray from her hand and laid it on a nearby table.

"I am already dressed," she responded.

"Yeah I can see that, but what I have in mind for you requires no clothes."

He started to unzip the back of her uniform, pulled it over her head and pulled her to his body.

"The coffee will get cold"

"That's what heating units are for"

She looked in his face, she could resist him, it was part of her nature but she agreed, their time was free, when did it matter at what time in the morning they ate breakfast?

She reached for his face and caressed his psi points.

"Open it", he demanded, "Open the bond."

T'Shira did as he asked. McCoy bathed in the expressions that flooded his mind, she found culturally difficult to put into words. How much she adored, desired and wanted him.

"_T'Nash-veh_ …._sa-kugalsu,_" she mentally spoke as hands stroked each other's bodies and their lips and tongues devoured each other.

"_That's right….all yours darlin_," replied McCoy in the same manner.

Who would have thought the old grouch would be tamed by a Vulcan woman of all people?

**AN: This came to me whilst taking a break from my other story 'Looking for ashau in all the wrong places'. I've not abandoned it but McCoy's tale kept begging to be started.**

**How about some reviews sugah? (say in Southern drawl)**


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer – If I could claim Star Trek as my own I would

**CHAPTER ONE**

**Earth Time, Late March 2265 – USS Enterprise, in orbit above New Vulcan, part of the Confederacy of Surak* **

McCoy had one hell of a hangover. The irony of being in such a state from a Vulcan wedding reception was not lost on him. Well he supposed a combined Vulcan/Human ceremony was the reason the event did not bore him to death. It was generous of Admiral Pike to invite not only Kirk, Spock and Uhura but the rest of the alpha bridge crew as guests and arrange shore leave for the rest of them.

That Cast Cow clan or whatever their name is are a pretty interesting group of Vulcans. He mused. Seems they carried enough clout on the planet to be left to their own devices, even if they were called, what was that term, 'Vertash Kay Tar'? A bunch of Vulcans who showed their government their version of the two fingered salute was alright by him. Both sides operated on a 'you don't bother us and we won't bother you' policy for thousands of years. Being well known agriculturists and holding a monopoly on what was left of the Vulcan cargo service more likely helped as well.

It was worth it to see the strained look on Spock's face being at the ceremony, among full blooded Vulcans who seemed at ease with emotional expression. But he even had to admit their interpretation of IDIC was 'fascinating.' Uhura loved the whole day; she admitted it gave her some ideas for their own African wedding. Spock's response was he hoped the groom's participation of a limbo dance at their ceremony was not compulsory.

Pike had married a Vulcan hybrid female whose mother was of Earth Caribbean heritage. The new Mrs Seria Pike was born and raised on Earth and seemed more comfortable in her mixed race skin in comparison to Spock. Both sides of her heritage were reflected in the celebrations. She was a very pretty lady, she may not smile openly with her lips but she definitely smiled with her eyes.

Well emotional Vulcan or not, he wished the Admiral all the best. It took a braver man than him to marry a Vulcan, mixed race or otherwise. McCoy could just about handle human females, handling alien ones was way out of his league. Nah he would stick to practising medicine, keeping Kirk out of trouble and try to be the best father he could be to his daughter Joanna. They would have three long months together before he headed off to the stars again and she headed back to boarding school.

He decided to head to sickbay to clear his hangover. Looks like he was going solo tonight. Spock and Uhura flew to another part of the planet to visit his clan, Kirk and Marcus were doing the 'on again' part of their 'on again, off again' relationship. Scotty was still at the reception trying to drink all the non humans under the table and failing badly. Hang on, maybe he should take Gaila up on her offer, she was having a little private party of her own. If she promised to get rid of that giant Tellarite she hooked up with, they could catch up on old times….all night.

**Author's Notes **–

First apologies for taking so long to get back to this story, thanks for your patience. I hope to keep updating this weekly.

Pike's wedding is mentioned in chapter 29 'Looking for ashau' story.

*As per Memory Alpha in STID movie

Note to guest reviewer - canon has never stated Spock is the only Vulcan-Human in the galaxy and even if it does fanfiction exists to recreate the ST universe in the image of the writer. Considering Vulcans and Humans have been allies since 2063 according to canon I doubt very much Sarek was the first Vulcan to find humans 'fascinating' that concept is valid for others but for me its illogical. In the real world even humans have relationships between ethnicities aka races, e.g President Obama is the most famous bi-racial human (black/white parentage) in existence but no one would expect him to be the **only** one. One more point, my VH characters were born before Vulcan's destruction so a few of these characters in a reality where 6 billion Vulcans are meant to exist is definitely not a lot.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer – If I could claim Star Trek as my own I would

**CHAPTER TWO**

**Earth date, May 2268 – Starbase 4, somewhere in Federation space**

"Good luck with your new assignments.**" **

The Commodore spoke to the waiting Starfleet officers. Starbase 4 being near to the Sol system was one of the drop off points for officers and crew personnel transferring to starships for their new positions.

Newly promoted Lieutenant K'ril es chan T'Shira or Lt T'Shira as she was known by her colleagues since very few nonVulcans could pronounce her clan name, was one of those waiting to be transferred. Her next post would be on the flagship the USS Enterprise. If she was nonV'Tosh she would be excited at the prospect. However as a Vulcan she considered this step in her career logical. Her post as the new Deputy Head of communications after working at the New Vulcan starbase* was most welcome.

It had taken a lot of compromises for her to leave the planet. The Vulcan government had laid down strict criteria when it came to joining the organisation. After the _Va Pak _all Vulcan applications to join Starfleet were rescinded at the Council's insistence. The Vulcan defence force had been decimated, only 4.97% of the fleet were left from the violent aftermath. Vulcan needed its youth to help build up the colony not travelling around the galaxy. The only exceptions were the ones already in the fleet, however they were expected to stay in the Vulcan sector as part of the Starfleet patrols**.

T'Shira had joined the new colony from Vulcanis Lunar where she had worked for a sub-space communications company. The rest of her clan were on the homeworld, the majority of her clan, including her parents and siblings were destroyed, only fifteen including herself were left. Over the years the numbers were slowly increasing and an alliance with the K'st Kau clan ensured their economic survival. The humans would call it 'ironic' that a clan their elders held with such disdain were now their legal kin.

T'Shira had considered the elders too conservative hence she moved away to limit their influence to Vulcanis Lunar. Her bondmate Szack had perished as well. He was chosen for her when she was just seven. They did not see much of each other, they did not have one of those 'romantic' relationships that she read about in Terran novels. Maybe contentment would have come, but she would never know now since he was no more.

Well she served her time over the years on the colony, extending the communications infrastructure. The work was challenging and rewarding. Thankfully the Vulcan people were not starting from completely nothing***. The planet chosen by the elders was already a Vulcan colony with a few hundred thousand scientists and other residents. The place was so similar to Vulcan it was called Vulcan Beta on the Federation records. Now renamed New Vulcan.

It had been ten years since the Va Pak and the colony was growing, it was not yet fully self-sufficient. Still heavily reliant on the Federation for aid but things were going in the right direction. For a start the bann on Vulcans joining Starfleet were slightly relaxed. One could join if they had official permission from a clan elder or the Ministry of Defence. Although reluctant, Elder T'Nara, her second cousin and matriarch had given her permission for her to enter the fast track officers programme. Her proviso being she left a genetic contribution with the clan Healer so if her life ended prematurely her offspring would still be born and that she was allowed one five year mission, after that she was expected to return to the clan and 'do her duty'.

That meant only thing, find herself a bondmate. At least this time round she was determined to make her own choice. But there were not many unbonded male Vulcans in Starfleet. She knew of only one, apart from herself, assigned to the Enterprise, a Lieutenant Saylen, navigator for the Beta shift.

It would be logical to make his acquaintance after she settled on the ship. She was 58 years old, a mere youth, in the past she would have plenty of time to make younger Vulcans but now life was different. What was that Terran saying oh yes 'when life gives you citrus fruits you make citrus juices.' It was a good thing she found lemon juice pleasurable.

**Author's Notes**

*****The idea of a starbase is in 'Looking for ashau'

** I believe Spock got to stay on the Enterprise as a symbolic gesture

*** Prime found a colony so fast in that movie that there must have been something set up already lol

Va Pak – Immeasurable Loss/Nero's genocidal actions

T'Shira's clan is mentioned in chapter 2 and 29 'Looking for ashau' story


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer – If I could claim Star Trek as my own I would

**CHAPTER THREE**

**Earth date, May 2268 – USS Enterprise, Medical wing**

McCoy turned his head as his office door swooshed open, expecting Drs M'Benga and Chapel since new crew had boarded the ship that morning. Their physical evaluations would need to be processed as soon as possible.

"Dr McCoy, I would like you to meet my new number 2, Lieutenant T'Shira."

Uhura's pretty face greeted him along with a very attractive, downright beautiful, Vulcan female. Did no one in that sector have an ugly bone in their body? All the Vulcans he met were good looking people. This one was no exception; tall, light brown-honey coloured skin, grey eyes, and short brown hair in the style that Marcus used to wear before she grew it out.

"Welcome to the Enterprise," the doctor stretched out his hand, then was about to pull it back as he recalled Vulcans did not do handshakes. But there was no need, the Lieutenant reciprocated shook his.

"Your welcome is accepted, Healer McCoy."

Well… so… er you're here for your physical? We can do it now or you can come back later. I was just about to have a meeting.."

"Sorry to disturb you Doctor, I'm just showing the Lieutenant around before we head off to the mess. It's a good chance for me to practise another Vulcan dialect." Uhura beamed.

"What happened to that husband of yours, he stop teaching you now that you're married huh?"

"Not even Spock knows everything, Len." Uhura smiled in reply.

They continued to banter like it was a regular habit, which it was.

"Anyway, catch you later Mrs Spock," Bones was the only one she let get away with that title, anyone else would get a look that would melt a phaser.

Lt T'Shira observed her superior officers. It appeared they were friends due to the casual nature of their conversation. She deduced Lt. Commander Uhura was bonded to Commander Spock when she was introduced to him. He had that possessive air about him in Uhura's presence that only a Vulcan could detect.

T'Shira was not a communications expert for nothing, she was one of those rare Vulcans who did not need touch telepathy to 'read people', she was more empathic than telepathic. In a culture where expressing feelings was taboo her ability was logically suited to the healing profession however she always held a fascination with the ability to communicate effectively with other cultures, especially non Vulcan cultures. She held a PHD in Xenocultural relationships as well as one in subspace communications. What was once a past time in her rest period as a subspace engineer, she had turned into a successful career in Starfleet which led her to the flagship. Her vast knowledge of cultural body languages as well as other linguistic skills would serve the fleet well.

Her attention was focused more on the Healer while they spoke. He was tall at 1.85meters (just over 6 feet), the probability that his accent was from the Southern region of the United States was 96.2%, his pale skin had a slight tan, perhaps from the Enterprise's recent shore leave on *Tok'Ra Prime. He had an appealing countenance, if he was Vulcan he would make a logical partner. But he was not, so she dismissed him as a potential mate.

**Author's Notes**

*Tok'Ra Prime (borrowed one of my favourite aliens from Stargate but there is no crossover here)

Not feeling too well so please forgive, this is not at my best, I might change it.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer – If I could claim Star Trek as my own I would

**CHAPTER FOUR**

**Earth date, July 2268 - USS Enterprise, The Bridge**

**16.00pm**

"I am here to relieve you Commander."

Uhura rose from her seat and handed over to her second in command.

"Not much to report Lieutenant, it has been a quiet day, pretty boring actually. Maybe things will be more entertaining for Beta shift."

"Sir, as long our encounters are peaceful, I do not desire to be entertained." T'Shira replied.

Uhura had been around Vulcans long enough, well one in particular to know that she was not being rude just precise and to the point. She liked T'Shira. The Lieutenant had settled in well since her arrival two months ago. Some of the crew expected her to be a female version of Spock but she had her own personality. Sure she was raised in the same culture but just as all humans were not the same, neither were all Vulcans. She was not a stranger to working with nonVulcans despite being on the colony for ten years. She as more at ease with other cultures, which was a requirement for a good communications officer.

'She could probably do my job with her eyes closed,' Uhura mused. She wondered why she was not Chief Communications officer on a Vulcan ship.

Well the colony's loss was now the Enterprise's gain. She was much better than *Hawkins, he still had problems distinguishing some Vulcan words from Romulan, even after he transferred off the ship. Although Uhura would miss Lt Cheorax, his replacement who had died from her injuries when the ship suffered a Klingon attack. Such was the nature of their jobs in Starfleet, they all knew the risks.

**20.00pm**

'_Guhfik_'- uninteresting and tiresome

'Boring – English/Standard

T'Shira mentally recited all the Federation languages and dialects that used the word 'boring.' Vuhlkansu was no exception. She was up to version 1,353 where on the planet Vampere- the word for boring was the same as the word for sleep, it just depended on the context. For a race of beings that slept during the day during their winter season, she found them a fascinating species. There were two Vampyrs on board the ship, Ensign Drak and one of the crewmen who served in the galley. Some of the Terran crew seemed uncomfortable around them, something about their mythology and beings who liked to bite and feast on the blood of others.

As a Vulcan she saw nothing to fear from that encounter, as long was it was consensual. After all biting between bondmates was expected and if a little blood was involved even better. Well since nothing eventful was taking place on the bridge now might be a good time to speak to Lieutenant Saylen.

Having sent a message to his comm she informed Commander Kyle that she would be taking a 5 minute break. Not that she needed it and since Vulcans never took breaks, apart from looking slightly surprised he asked no questions.

"_You requested my presence_." Saylen spoke as they entered the nearby turbolift.

T'Shira wet her lips before she spoke, it would be her first time doing this but how hard could it be. Make a request and then deal with the answer be it negative or positive.

"_There is a Caitian cultural event in the recreation room tomorrow at 13.00pm. I would be honoured if you would accompany me_."

"_I cannot accompany you_," Saylen replied.

"_Understood_," was her response. Perhaps he had other duties to perform hence his use of the word "cannot." It was logical to put duty before recreational pursuits.

"_Perhaps another time will be more amenable_," She asked trying not to sound hopeful.

"_That will not be possible_," Saylen responded. He decided to end this since her pursuit of him was not logical for either of them.

"_It would not be logical to pursue me since you do not suit my requirements_."

"_Explain_." T'Shira demanded. She was an unbonded female, they had similar careers, her clan status was not questionable, if such things mattered to him, she had no communicable sexual diseases, her body odour was not unpleasant and neither were her physical features.

"_You are not male, Lieutenant_," Saylen answered.

T'Shira nodded her head in understanding, yes it would definitely not be logical. She had nothing that he wanted.

"_However,_" Saylan continued. "_I would appreciate your company as a fellow V'Tosh. My two ko-kai perished in the Va Pak. I am Maat-fam."_

"_That would be agreeable Saylen_."

T'Shira understood where he was coming from. Losing a psychic connection to one's clan was devastating for millions of Vulcans after the _Va Pak._ At the time many could not handle it and ended their lives, perhaps it took the mentally strong to survive and recreate a new Vulcan for their people.

As they returned to the bridge, T'Shira reasoned she did not gain a potential bondmate but she had made a friend. She started to recall the unbonded males in her clan who would suit Saylen's requirement. Perhaps it was time to contact T'Nara after her shift.

**Author's Notes **–

*Uhura replaced Hawkins in the movie when he could not tell the difference between Vulcan and Romulan.

Guhfik (Vulcan) - Boring/boredom

Vamperes – The writer's creation

Maat-fam (Vulcan) – without a clan

Spoken Vulcan in italics

Ok so T'Shira has to keep looking, time to bring her into McCoy's social circle I'm open to ideas. I'm thinking of having her as part of the poker circle and having her and Bones lock heads


	6. Message from author

Apologies to my loyal readers. I'm going to put this on hold for a while, I have too many stories on so once 'The First Time' and One night only' are complete I will return to this tale. I don't want the quality of this story to suffer.

Thank you for your patience.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer – If I could claim Star Trek as my own I would

**CHAPTER FIVE**

**Earth date, mid July 2268 – USS Enterprise, Medical Wing**

It had been a quiet day in sickbay, the kind of day McCoy enjoyed. He and his team had spent the shift dealing with fractures, burns, torn ligaments, sprains or giving out contraception shots to the crew and other medical advice. Some of his Earth based peers might consider all this boring but it gave the doctor a chance to catch up on his medical journals, do some research or take a little lunch break with the Ancient Ones; Mr Jack and Daniels. Plus as invigorating as saving lives and doing major surgery might be, he preferred to know his colleagues were out of danger and not lying on his table being put back together.

The door to his office swished open as a tall, sandy haired figure entered. "Fancy a game of pool, Bones?"

McCoy looked up from his PADD. The latest article in 'Xeno- Medicine Today' no longer holding his attention.

"Hey, Jim, what's up? No hot date with Carol tonight?" He grinned at this friend, happy that at last those two had sorted out their relationship drama over the years.

"Actually we're still on, she challenged me to a game of pool. Males v Females. I just need a partner, and what better partner than a pool shark like yourself."

"Flattery, will get you everywhere, Captain. Haven't played for months but yeah, I'm game. Lead the way."

The two friends left the Medical wing, and headed for the rec room. "You're in charge, Greet" McCoy called out.

Lt. Greet responded as any sensible Tellarite would.

"About time, Commander."

McCoy laughed to himself knowing the crew would be aghast to know Dr Greet was on call for beta shift. The Tellarite physician's bedside manner was as charming as a Tellarite could be, he made McCoy look soft.

**Recreation lounge**

Most of the crew were human, so Enterprise operated on a 24 hour Sol time system, according to the chronometer it was 7pm in the evening. Beta shift were on duty, the night watch team were still asleep and some of the alpha team partied in the rec room. The only beings who did not need to worry about a regular sleep pattern were the Denobulans, which made them the liveliest bunch on the ship. All five of them. It was a good thing they were all married to each other, it made watching a poker game taking place with all them highly entertaining. How could you bluff partners that you share a bed with, McCoy could never quite figure that out. And how big was that bed? Maybe he should scrub that image out of his head. Now a bunch of Deltans in bed, that would be sexual poetry in motion. He scanned the room to see if Lt Darwin was around, didn't want her reading his fantasies without his permission. The idea of telepathy still made him uncomfortable, despite experiencing its positive uses over the years from a certain Vulcan. Now where were Spock and Uhura, hiding in their quarters having a logical, romantic rendezvous, he suspected. When a Vulcan was getting more sex than himself then something was definitely wrong.

Now Len stop musing and go join the game, he was the best pool player on the ship, ok best human pool player. Spock and his Vulcan brains played like it was a math's test. He usually won. Marcus was already at the pool table, long slim body leaned over doing a practise session. Beauty, blonde and brains, a deadly combination for some. McCoy was more a 'gentlemen prefer redheads' kind of guy. He took the glass that Kirk offered him and picked up his cue stick.

"Hello McCoy, glad you could join us. Get ready for a sound beating." Marcus raised her head, her warm face lit up with a grin. The first time he heard that voice it sent the blood in his body rushing in a southerly direction. He had a little crush on her in the early days, but once Kirk made his claim he backed off. Bros before hoes and all that, not that she fell in the latter category, far from it.

Kirk slid his hand gently down her back, the only outward sign of affection that they were more than friends. Despite his reputation over the years, the Captain knew how to be discreet. Everyone was aware they were a couple and were glad to see their Commanding officer settled. The reckless boy from the Khan/Marcus affair was long gone, since then it was a man the crew gladly followed.

"Don't be fooled by my Southern charms, Marcus." McCoy cracked his knuckles getting ready for battle.

"I'm not worried about that, Len. I have a secret weapon," Marcus walked up to Kirk, took his drink from his hand and started to taste.

"Bring it on, Carol." Kirk chimed in, his eye alight with glee, waiting for the fun to begin.

"Not 'it'…her'. Here she comes."

Kirk and McCoy head's turned in the direction she looked. Oh shit, McCoy responded as an officer from the Communications team walked towards them.

"Greetings Captain, Doctor Marcus, Doctor McCoy." Lt T'Shira nodded to each one as she spoke. Her shift had just ended, she would rather be in the lab dealing with one of her projects but Dr Marcus challenge to her earlier to take part in a Terran geometric game roused her curiosity.

"No need for formalities, Lieutenant. We're off duty, its just Len, Carol and Jim."

It would take a while for T'Shira to accept such informality amongst officers, even when off duty. She had only been on the ship three months, two weeks and four days. The Enterprise operated a lot differently from a Vulcan ship. A lot differently.

"In that case Carol, I am prepared as you say, to apply pressure to our opponents' posterior and defeat them." This was informal talk right?

The three humans looked at each other in shock at her words. Carol was the first to burst out laughing.

"Did she just say, what I think she said, Jim?" McCoy asked.

"Forgive me sirs. Have I caused offense?" T'Shira enquired, perhaps she had broken some cultural taboo or something?

"Not at all T'Shira, you're so right, we are going to whip their butts. Let the game begin!" Marcus crowed. By this time some of the crew were starting to crowd around their pool table.

Once McCoy recovered from such unVulcan like words, coming out of such a pretty Vulcan mouth he got himself ready.

Whip our butts, huh, well let's see whose butt will be whipped after tonight. And she had such a nice butt as well. Now he was fantasising about pretty, red headed Vulcan officers.

Damn, he really needed to get laid.

**Author's Notes**

Dear readers, so sorry for the long delay. I did miss this story but real life got in the way and damaged my muse. Thanks for your patience. I am slowing getting back into this story.

Feel free to leave a review, I welcome them.


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